Friday, 5 September 2014

How and Why I left My Husband

Ok so this is the continuation of my previous post titled "How I Met My Husband". This is my account of what happened after we got married and how and why it all went wrong which now leaves us in a situation that we are officially Divorsed.I will also say that there was never any physical abuse involved but in my oppinion there was a strong element of mental abuse involved.

In starting this i have to just take you back slightly to the first night i ever met who was to be my future husband. If you remember from my previous post that when John gave me the tip while placing his hand on mine and looked into my eyes,the girl in his company was not too impressed. Now as it turns out, Lisa was a work colleague of John's and over the course of our relationship before our marriage,i got to know Lisa very well and indeed formed a very good friendship with her.

She generally seemed to be single most of the time,occassionally dating now and again and in all honesty was quite a pretty girl and strangely enough i did even concidered her as one of my bridesmaids.She was not however one of my bridesmaids but was invited to the wedding and she attended with this guy that she had just recently met.

The friendship between me and Lisa grew over the next few months after i was married and i found myself in regular contact with her. We arranged many shopping trips together and at least once a week,myself and John and Lisa and her BF would go out socialising together whether it be dinner,movie or bar and nightclub.On many occasions we would all end up back at our house and most nights rather than not,Lisa would stay over in the spare room as she could get a lift to work from John the following morning anyway so it seemed to make sence.She did have this habit of going between boyfriends and never really looking like she was that interested.I did notice also that on some of our shopping trips,she used to buy the sauciest of lingerie,some of which would be too much for me and i am quite girly when it comes to this sort of thing but it was way out of my comfort zone. I thought many times "who is she trying to impress" and this girl certainly has a darker side to her.

So for the moment,enough about Lisa and just a little more about what i was doing. From a work point of view,i continued to work in my position as a waitress and bartender and my shifts did still involve late night nightclub shifts which i was happy to do and also my husband did not have a problem with it as he knew me and knew that i would never ever be unfaithful to him.That is the type of girl i am,loyal and faithful and he knew that.And also we needed the money tbh and there were not too many opportunities elsewhere in the work department.The security staff in the nightclub would always look out for all us girls and John had formed a friendship with them all and had asked them to keep an eye on me so there was never a problem.I was quite happy to do shift work as i was so used to it and then knowing at the back of my mind that i would be going home to my lovely husband when my shift finished.

Now at this stage,we were married for around 9 or 10 months and within that time i was unfortunate enough to suffer a miscarriage but it just wasn't meant to be and that was a devastating time for us both. I did notice around this time too that more often than not,John was not interested in being intimate and was using excuses like i have a headache,my back is sore,i am too tired etc.This played on my mind alot and i started to lose confidence in myself,doubting my appearance and generally feeling that there must be something wrong with me.I have always had some confidence in myself and my appearance but it was totally shattered at this stage.In work too,all the staff knew that i was not the same Hollie that they knew and were all concerned so much about me which i will never forget. I never discussed it with anybody in work and kept it to myself.

It was suggested by Lisa that we should have a girlie break and head down the country for a couple of days as John's job had him away for a few days anyway at that time and i was off work for a few days.Lisa knew i was not myself and i did discuss what was happening with her,sure afterall she was one of my best friends and infact at this stage my closest friend who i trusted the most.
We packed up and headed off in her car and really enjoyed the drive down,i was happy for the first time in quite a while. We settled into a hotel and decided we were going out on the town that night for a few drinks and abit of a laugh.I got all dressed up,favourite dress,heels etc and actually felt good about myself for the first time in a while. We went to a lovely local bar first and then on to a nightclub that had been highly recommended by some of the regulars.While in the nightclub having a great girlie night and dancing away,there was some interest shown in me by some of the men. Not even for a second did i ever concider being unfaithful to my husband but the opportunity was there if i wanted. Lisa suggested that i should "go for it" and that it would remain our little secret forever,she was ever so pushy on the matter but as i said there was no way this was ever going to happen.I am just not that sort of girl. She seemed to enjoy herself though lapping up the attention while i was left being chatted up by men whom i had absolutely no interest in at all. So the night passed and we went back to the hotel,i was glad to be back tbh. The next day,we were on our way home driving on the motorway having a good laugh when i asked her if she had any painkillers as i had a thumping headache.She said to check the glove compartment as there might be a couple in there. To my surprise,when i opened it and was looking for the painkillers,i came accross a photo of my John. I asked her what she was doing with a photo of John in her car and she got very aggressive with her answer in the way she spoke in saying "that's an old photo and afterall we have worked together for years Hollie,i have known John before you met him". I decided to take her explaination at face value and leave it at that although it was quite strange.

Back at home,although myself and John were still very much in love,well for me i was anyway,the excuses were still being used although not every night but i was still made to feel somewhat unsure of myself from a confidence point of view and i could feel the Hollie that i always was being slowly drained away.

About 6 months later i was in work and one of the security staff,one of the older staff at that but such a sweetheart asked could he have a chat with me. I of course said yes.This is exactly what and how he said it,

"Hollie you know that we all love you here and none of us would ever want to hurt you in any way but i was told something by Darren (another security man) and i feel i have to tell you what i was told". He went on to say,
"Darren was down the beach yesterday and he saw John and that girl Lisa walking and holding hands".
I said there must be some mistake but i was told that there was definately no mistake and that he was so sorry for telling me but that they all loved me and felt that it just had to be said.
I just could not and refused to believe it.

I had a fear of confrontation at the time and was just so afraid that it might be true so i never said anything to John on the matter but it was now obviously playing on my mind.

I was then making the excuses myself in the bedroom while trying to piece together what was staring me in the face all along,the photograph,being spotted out holding hands amongst other things. I didn't have to wait too long after to realise that my whole world was just about to collapse.

Within a few of weeks of being told about John and Lisa out holding hands,i was on a late shift which started at 8.00 pm and due to finish at 4.00 am. I just was not myself in work of late and felt that all the staff were talking about me and feeling sorry for me but that was not the case and it was all in my head.The security staff were however just so nice to me and kept asking me if i was ok. I lasted until 1.30 am and then just had to go home.

I drove home that night/early morning with my mind all over the place but there is no way in the world i ever thought i would see what was waiting for me when i got home.

I pulled up in the driveway and parked the car. I opened the front door and the alarm went beep beep etc so i turned it off. I went into the kitchen and put the kettle on and infact even turned the tv on too.So as you can imagine at this stage i have made some noise.I thought i would be better getting out of my work uniform and putting on my nightdress.

I went up the stairs and went into the bedroom and to my surprise John was not there,i thought where the hell is he as his car is outside and i had only been talking to him on the phone a couple of hours ago. I went back downstairs with the intention of phoning him to see where he was. When i got there a strange thought entered my mind,surely he could not still be in the house!

I went back upstairs but the only room that he could possibly be in is the spare room which  had the door closed.My heart was racing now as i tried to prepare myself for the worst. I slowly opened the door and the first thing i saw was this really raunchy underwear on the floor before quickly seeing my John in bed with Lisa.

I totally froze and to this day i will never forget it.I stood there for what seemed an age just looking at the two of them all cozy in bed together and still unbelievably asleep.

I then just turned away,went downstairs,grabbed my car keys,slamed the front door and left and drove back to my parents house in shock and with the tears flowing down my face.I just couldn't stop crying,my whole world had collapsed and thinking where do i go to from here.I will never ever forget how i felt at this time.

At 4.30 am and after alot of thinking and crying,i decided to go back to the house.It was now obvious that they both knew they were caught as i had about 25 missed calls from John.I walked in and confronted him on his cheating.He knew that he was not in a position to lie and i wanted the whole truth about how long the affair was going on.He told me for about a year or so. I had found some strength within me during this confrontation and threw out all sorts of questions at which the answers were all heartbreaking.My world had certainly collapsed.

There was obviously no going back now and forgiveness was never going to be an option even with him declaring his love for me and not wanting to lose me,that was it,we were finished forever in my eyes.

I returned to my parents house and he stayed in the marital house for a while until it had to be sold.He eventually ended up in a relationship with Lisa but it did not last too long.Maybe the thrill of having an affair with your best friends husband is what turned her on,who knows,and to this day i have not laid eyes on her since.He is now living about 70 or so miles away with some girl that he met and i believe they have a son now. She is more than welcome to him.And we are now officially divorced.

And to think that Lisa wanted me and was encouraging me to be unfaithful that night when we were away and without any doubt would have told John and i would have been blamed for the break up of our marriage if she had her way.

And as for me,i went a long time with my confidence totally shattered but now i have met the most wonderful and caring BF who i love sooooo much and i know that he loves me too.We have moved in together so life is just great now. I have cried while writing some of this but the events of my past if they had not of happened would not have led me to the lovely relationship i have now.The old Hollie is back but alot wiser and happier now and will never be so naive again.So that is how and why i left my husband.

I hope you have enjoyed my story,sorry if it was abit long but it would have been hard to leave anything out.Please leave a comment below if you want and thank you so much for reading,

lots of love,

Hollie xxx

19 comments:

  1. After reading part one, I had to find out what happened next. I can't imagine how awful the whole ordeal must have been but it's is good to read that you have a far happier future ahead now.

    Looking forward to some more positive reads coming soon!

    Row Bow
    x
    What Row Chose...

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  2. Thank you so so much Row bow,it means so much that you posted such a lovely comment. There are loads of positive reads on the way lovely and i hope you will read them too!
    Hollie xx

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  3. Aw Hollie I'm so sorry all that happened! Some people I'll just never understand. It sounds like you have moved on very well though and have a positive outlook on the future which is amazing!

    Chelsea
    Chowing Down by the Bay
    Instagram
    Twitter

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  4. Hi Hollie, so incredibly sorry to read this. I can't imagine how devastated you must have felt/feel. Completely understandable why it would do so much damage to your confidence & trust in people. You seem such a positive person, through it all... hopefully time will help heal the scars. Wishing you every happiness for the future - you truly deserve it Xx

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  5. Hi Karen,thank you so much for your lovely comments,everything is just great now,could not possibly be happier.It took quite a while but i am back to my old self now. I think it's when you realise that when the person is not who you thought they were or wanted them to be,it helps. Thanks so much lovely! Xxxxxx

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  6. You're such a strong woman! It takes guts to post something so personal to share with everyone, everything happens for a reason and I wish you the best of luck with your new boyfriend! xxx

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  7. Thank you so much Eleanor,that means alot! I just felt i had to post it and i feel alot better for doing so! Now to buy an off the shoulder dress that you have my mind set on now,thanks lovely! xx

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  8. I enjoyed this read and your story, I'm glad that you have now found a happy relationship x

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  9. Thank you so much Leanne,i am so glad you enjoyed it,everything is great now! xx

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  10. What a cow! Cannot believe some so called "friends" can do something like that and especially as it seems you both were so close as well! I'm glad that you've moved on now though, you ex husband and that friend were no good for you and didn't deserve you!

    Yazmin xx
    www.yazzyscorner.co.uk

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  11. ah thanks so much Yasmin for your kind comments,i appreciate it! Everything is great now,could not be happier. I learned alot from that experience and as you said,here's to the future! xx

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  12. This is so heartbreaking to read, I really admire you for being so brave in posting this. You've got some balls haha! I'm so pleased you got rid of those toxic people out of your life and are having such a better life now with your new man and being back to your happy self :)

    www.violetdaffodils.com
    xx

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    1. Thanks so much for your lovely comments,i proved to myself that i was well over it by posting it,and i am sooooo well over it and enjoying life so much.My BF is just amazing and i wouldn't have met him if things had not of happened in the past! xx

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  13. You are so brave for sharing this. I was like.. wow, reading this. I've been through a very familiar relationship situation, but not marriage. So I cant even imagine how much worse that would be. Lots of love hunnie <3 x

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    1. Thanks so much Jemma,i really appreciate your comments. I hope you are ok yourself.The fact that i shared it proved to me that i was so much over it and things are great now! It's such a horrible thing to happen but i am fine now,i hope you are too lovely! xx

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  14. Hollie you are a very strong woman ... happy to read you have now a happy relationship.
    kisses
    http://unconventionalsecrets.blogspot.it/

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    1. Oh Manuela,thank you so much! Of all the comments i have got,this one means the most to me as it shows that you took the time to read my post and comment.I am so happy and as you know,i am a very big admirer of you and what you do.You are so inspirational and my respect and admiration for you is off the scale! Thank you so much once again for your lovely comment! xxx

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